Apr 23 2017 Getting Ahead God's Way

Marianne read this for a friend...

"I've always thought of myself as a Christian. I was baptized, and confirmed. I sang in the choir and became a deacon. It wasn't until I started at Grace Community that I realized I wasn't really a Christian. I "talked the talk", but had never "walked the walk".

I'm very grateful that Pastor Mike and other members of the church have made me feel welcome and helped me become a true child of God.

I know without a doubt that He has been with me.

In Sept I had an appt. with my Primary Care Physician. During the conversation regarding my immediate concern, she asked when the last time was that I had a mammogram. Ummm, a while ago was my answer.

By Sept 15th I had my first appointment at Summa Health Care, and on Oct 26th I had surgery for breast cancer. During this time, I was constantly aware that this could be very serious. Yet I found my self almost casual about the experience. Every night I spoke to God and told Him that I knew He would be with me. It made everything so much easier to just hand it over to Him.

The surgeon gave me the news that I'm "In the clear". I plan to continue my talks with God through the follow up radiation; and again, I know He will be there. Talking to Him now isn't just a cry for help, but a chance to talk with a good friend."

Pastor Mike Marette:

Lord, we ask You, as we come before You – to take my words, and the words Marianne just read – and You work in ways we don’t know. You know. Now we all know that You work in secret and mysterious ways so often and that is encouraging. Open our hearts to You – help me to share this message in all humility – that You are the One who speaks.

A week ago, I was having a conversation with a couple people – one I have had many times – in fact, I had a similar conversation just this morning – and it is centered around this question: Someone will be talking about their life and will ask – How do people get in a place of authority – who have no people skills – and are rude, obnoxious bullies? I could add a couple other adjectives that might be more descriptive but shouldn’t be said on Sunday morning.

It happens in the business world, social organizations, even religious organizations and families – and I have decided to start a short series called – Getting Ahead. I mean, it is the American way, right? My parents got ahead of my grandparents – they were much better off than my grandparents – and then we got ahead of our parents (my Dad never went to college – and so he wanted me to go to college) – and we would love for our children to get ahead of us – but the reality is, it is happening less and less. It used to be the norm –

There is nothing wrong with trying to get ahead and have a better career. We should all be trying to improve ourselves and our skills – but how do you get ahead and with what motivation? – how do you go about doing it?

Jesus has this discussion with His disciples – after they were arguing about who would be the greatest – and they would never have that argument if they knew Jesus was listening:

Jesus called them and said to them, "You know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them (lack people skills, are rude/bossy),

and those in high positions use their authority over them. 43 But it is not this way among you. Instead whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of all.

(Mark 10:42)

Jesus is saying – this is the way of the world. The way of the world is to bully and push others down and to back-stab. There are exceptions occasionally – but they are rare (in the world).

Jesus makes it clear – it is not this way with you.

The older New American Standard that used to be new but is old now says – IT IS NOT SO AMONG YOU.

The problem is – it often IS so among His followers. SO often the Christians are no different from the Gentiles – as Jesus calls ‘the world’ here. Jesus has to repeat this lesson over and over.

In this series, we will look at someone who got ahead in all the wrong ways – manipulating and causing problems - and there are significant consequences to success when it is not gained like Jesus mentioned here.

In our world – in our country – success may have become the real god that people worship.

Genesis 25:

21 Isaac prayed to the LORD

Isaac is the son of Abraham and Sarah – who were childless until they were about 100 years old!

on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.

Isaac and Rebekah had been childless for 20 years. Similar to his parents – but not nearly so long.

22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the LORD.

She could not get an ultrasound to see that she had twins – but she did and the sibling rivalry started in the womb. We don’t know how this word from the Lord comes – but it does:

23 The LORD said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger."

Here is the promise – God is saying – it is okay – you have twins – but they will be unique and what is going on inside of you will go on the rest of their lives. The last line is astonishing – the older will serve the younger – that was unheard of. It is extraordinary. Unbelievable! Unthinkable! Throughout the ancient world, the oldest son always had priority. No matter how many children they had, if someone died, his oldest son would get half of the inheritance. Because there were only two children – he would get double what his brother would get. With the privilege would come responsibility to carry on the family name and he would become the patriarch – the leader of the family. This was a primary rule of their culture.

“It is the linchpin of the social and legal system,” one scholar wrote.

I will read a statement – and what this means to us – it meant to them that the older would lead:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

That is what it meant for the older son to have the privilege in the family. God is in conflict with the way the world is organized - that is what Jesus said to the disciples. It is this way in the world – not so with you. The human way to get ahead is not God’s way to get ahead.

The entire Old Testament is constantly showing how this concept of the older son is wrong.

This promise is an inversion of the social order – birth order is not a guarantee of privilege in His Kingdom – He doesn’t bless based on human privilege or human position. What we deem valuable is often not to God.

This mirrors or foreshadows our redemption and salvation. This is about redemption – it is not privileged by birth or earned – it has nothing to do with who we are or what position we have in this world. God chooses and uses the unexpected and unacceptable by His grace. Neither Jacob nor Esau – the two children to be born – has done anything when this prophecy is made – but God’s grace – is gracious to Jacob.

24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.

There is a lot in a name – here – the word Esau means hairy – and there is double meaning in these names – it means he was physically hairy – but it also means he was psychologically hairy – He was wild!

26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them.

Jacob has a double meaning – First – God protects – but it also means – grasper/schemer/supplanter/deceiver. These names speak to the character of these boys. Jacob was always trying to pull Esau back – from the womb!

Here is the important part – it seeks to tear apart the covenant made with Abraham. God had made a promise – all the nations of the earth would be blessed, and Jacob and Esau are trying to end that – in spite of the character, God brings about His purposes.

We think – because of sports – that we are not successful unless we beat everyone else. Yes, in sports that is true – the Cavs have to continue to win to be the champions. But that is not true. You don’t have to put anyone down to live well. We don’t have to step on anyone to get ahead in the eyes of God. We learn from childhood. We are more successful when we make others successful.

Gen. 25:27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

This says a lot. Family dynamics. But that is not the point. The moral is – God’s promise comes true no matter how much we manipulate or strive. God’s will will be accomplished.

Put yourself in the picture – the promise given to this mom and dad. I bet Rebekah thought WOW! And Isaac thought – This doesn’t seem right…

Esau probably hears this prophecy his whole life – and he lives his life outside of the family. He become wild because of this promise.

And Jacob was a mama’s boy. I bet she told him over and over again – and then he probably told Esau. This caused Jacob to become a getting ahead person – he fixated on it – he was addicted to it – and we see it in all of his actions. From this point on – it almost always has to do with this.

Gen. 25:29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished.

I’m sure Esau had been gone for days at a time.

30 He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!" (That is why he was also called Edom.) 31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright."

Some people think – that Jacob should be praised for this. I think Jacob had this planned. He was looking for an opportunity to get at Esau. Esau has one major problem – it is in the word – QUICK.

Esau is an impulsive man – with what we would call a low EQ. He is seeking immediate gratification – and Jacob takes advantage of this. He is opportunistic. There is a good way to do this – buy low, sell high! But there is a dark side to this and it comes out in Jacob – He is extremely manipulative.

Sell me your birthright!

32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" 33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.

Here is why I don’t think this is praiseworthy – the birthright has absolutely nothing to do with the promise. The promise has to do with the covenant of Abraham – and the Messiah to come through his line. The birthright is material, stuff in the world – and the promise is something else.

Jacob knew the promise – and he had a choice to make – to obtain it by faith – or by personal effort and cleverness and scheming. But Jacob chose the latter. If Jacob had never bought the birthright from Esau, I think God would have still fulfilled His promise.

This is a picture of the gospel – we are saved by grace – not by our own effort.

With the promise and the privilege came huge responsibility – that Jacob did not accept – and this goes back to Jesus’ words – It is not so among you. The greatest among you shall be your servant and slave to be first. Jacob should have just given the food to his brother – do you think God would not have accomplished His promise? And Jacob could have learned to become a man of faith.

Jacob tried to obtain blessing by human means or endeavor and technique– and he missed grace. We would call him a manipulator and control freak – the boss that makes you want to leave your job. He believes that Esau is standing in the way of his success. So he took advantage and schemed and tricked. But Esau is not Jacob’s problem – Jacob is Jacob’s problem. He was standing in the way of his own success. The reality is the same for all of us – there are not others standing in our way.

I want to close off talking about manipulators and control freaks – so that if we are they, we can do something about it! And how to deal with it in others.

First – control freaks and manipulators are not always who we think they are – and they are not who they think they are. There are the obvious ones – rude bullies, shouters, and back-stabbers – we have all seen this. But there is another kind – the subtle kind – who manipulate through pouting, sulking – and sometimes apparent kindness and gentleness. They manipulate by being quiet and giving gifts. It might be through withholding affection.

And there is a third kind – those who manipulate through self-righteousness. They are always right and use their rightness and knowledge to manipulate others

“Being right is actually a very hard burden to be able to carry gracefully and humbly. That’s why nobody likes to sit next to the kid in class who’s right all the time. One of the hardest things in the world is to be right and not hurt other people with it.” Dallas Willard

We need to understand the source of the scheming manipulative controlling personalities. It starts with shame – and a deep need for approval. They have fear.

"The fear of being revealed as a failure, as not being "enough" somehow, is a primary feeling that leads to the compulsion to control other people. When we were children, the fear of being inadequate and shameful was tied to our terror of being deserted or rejected and we had little control over getting what we needed. To counteract that basic terror, we have evidently been trying all our lives in various ways to "get control" of life. This includes controlling other people.” – Keith Miller

Steve Jobs – drove others out of his life.

Here are some key indicators – from a business perspective – a micromanager who wants to be involved more than necessary – and I feel that someone is looking over my shoulder ever minute – and they act like an overprotective parent. Manipulators snoop into things that don’t belong. This person has his or her way of doing things and almost never budges. All other options cease to exist. Winning an argument is more important than finding the best solution.

Driving a car – this person would rather get lost than stop and ask for directions – and this person’s manipulation will cause others to feel (isolated).

Better having been broken: He had a problem with it himself – and talking to a counselor – here is what the counselor said – Steve – if you continue to be manipulative toward those you love and serve, you will continue to be disappointed. It will only grow.

He was disappointed with what he was getting out of those he loved and served – so all of us have subtle ways of manipulating – trying to get people to change – and we do that, we can count on disappointment.

Eric Hoffer: “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength”

Speaking about controlling and manipulating

“We must learn to acknowledge when and how and under what conditions we find ourselves needing to set the agenda, to get our way - either forcefully or passively”

“Can you recall times in your life when you have been rude and have abused your power over others; when you have needed to set the agenda for another either forcefully with words or actions or passively by a subtle coy subversive or passive aggressive means? The bottom line here is that when we are rude toward another and seek to lord it over them by needing to be the one setting the agenda or outcome, we are being manipulative.” Stephen Macchia

Let’s pray: Lord, we ask that You would help us to look honestly at ourselves, each of us – we all struggle - and it is okay to struggle as long as we’re willing to address and acknowledge. As we move on from here – with practicals and how to address these issues, we ask that we would be like Jesus – who said – the greatest among you will be the servant.

‘Here is a list of questions from The Control Freak, By Les Parrott – The Control Freak Self Test:

1. When I hear the words Control Freak, I can immediately identify a person in my life (Y or N)?

2. When I hear the words Control Freak, I have more than one person who comes to mind. (If you think of more than one person, do the test for each one) (Y or N)?

3. Most other people, not just me, would describe this person as picky, critical, or controlling (Y or N)?

4. I find myself doing things I would never do if I did not feel pressured by this controlling person. (Y or N)?

5. This person would rather give orders than take them. (Y or N)?

6. This person's day is ruined if you sit on his or her perfectly made bed or do something similar to mess up his or her neatly ordered world. (Y or N)?

7. I sometimes feel used by this person. (Y or N)?

8. This person hangs on to a project forever because he or she wants it to be perfect. (Y or N)?

9. This person loves order (don't even think about touching things on his or her desk) and established routines (watch out if his or her plans have to be rearranged). (Y or N)?

10. This person's controlling tendencies cause people to feel anxious, if not alienated. (Y or N)?

11. On more than one occasion I have felt that the person was snooping around where he or she didn't belong (Y or N)?

12. This person feels most comfortable when he or she is in charge. (Y or N)?

13. Like a bulldog, this person holds on to the way he or she wants things done. (Y or N)?

14. This person can be indecisive because he or she continues to mull over an idea and puts everything else on hold. (Y or N)?

15. If something isn't exactly to this person's liking, he or she reflexively points it out--even at the risk of embarrassing others. (Y or N)?

16. Most people, at least at first, are surprised by this person's demanding style. (Y or N)?

17. This person has his or her way of doing things and almost never budges. (Y or N)?

18. Hardly anyone would describe this person as flexible and easygoing. (Y or N)?

19. If this person does give in to another's idea, he or she doesn't fully jump on board with it. (Y or N)?

20. If there is the slightest thing out of place, this person will find it. (Y or N)?

21. Once this person decides on something, it is settled; all other options cease to exist. (Y or N)?

22. It seems that winning an argument is more important to this person than finding the best solution. (Y or N)?

23. If this person doesn't get what he or she wants, you can count on a good display of anger, pouting, or the silent treatment. (Y or N)?

24. While driving a car, this person would rather get lost than ask for directions. (Y or N)?

25. Most people end up doing what this person wants. (Y or N)?