May 13 2018 Wisdom in Relationships

Lord, thank You that You love us – and even as Jeff prayed – there is no evil in You at all. You are good. You are faithful and true. May our hearts be formed into Your image – that our witness would grow as we live out the life and death and resurrection of Jesus in our lives.

How Relationships play a significant role in living wisely and successfully in all our endeavors. As we look at Wisdom, the Proverbs have a lot to say about relationships. If relationships are bad, your life is bad. We all know that. If there is a problem in a relationship, that just lingers, doesn’t it? It weighs on us and affects every other part of our lives.

On the positive end – the Book of Proverbs is filled with verses to help us have good relationships.

Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another. (Pro 27:17 NAU)

Friends refine our understanding, our character, and skill for living. Good relationships make us better people.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Pro 18:24 ESV)

Good, close, friendships are important to have – ones where we can be honest. If all you have are social media friends, how many friends do you really have? Zero.

How to make relationships a priority, and to give them the attention they need – and we discover that there is so much in the Bible about hands-on, practical, how to get along.

A study came out in USA Today this week – and it points us to the Bible, the wisdom of the Bible, and how it relates to relationships.

Only 18% have people they can talk to. 18-24 year olds are the most lonely people in America. They were 9 points higher than those over the age of 72, which one would think would be the loneliest.

There is a huge need in our world. In our church, we have a lot of people with experience, wisdom, and character – this is an enormous strength in this church. There are people out there who need people like you to impart wisdom and experience.

You might think – am I really needed? Yes, you are needed. The world needs people like us. Our country needs people like us.

I would encourage you – if you do this, forget the rest of the teaching! Just start praying that God would run you into a younger adult person whom you can impart your wisdom toward. Ask God to do that in your life. You can’t really knock on their doors and say, I’m a wise person and I’d like to impart my wisdom to you! They will think you are weird, and rightfully so.

Matthew 5:23

Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

Jesus uses hyperbole – extreme illustration to emphasize the importance of relationships. Jesus is in Galilee – 80 miles from Jerusalem – and once per year, peope would travel to Jerussalem to offer their offerings – and you wait in line to get to the altar – and you remember that Joe back in Galilee has something against you – and Jesus is saying – leave and come back.

Has this ever happened to you – you call customer service – and they are always experiencing a high volume of calls – and they tell you that your call will be answered in the order it was received – and then you listen to that music – and the music stops – and you are getting transferred – and you get disconnected… Grrrr….

It’s like – when you’ve been waiting on customer service – and you are near the front of the line… and you remember someone has an offense against you – hang up and make it right!

"You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, 'You shall not murder'; and 'whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, 'You fool,' you will be liable to the hell of fire.

The context of reconciliation has to do with hatred and offensive speech. These verses are so relevant to our world of divisiveness today. It is destroying relationships and people are lonely because of it – and we as Christians are called to make a difference – to be different – do not conform to the world but be transformed – when it comes to anger and animosity and offensive speech – do people look at us and say we are nothing like the world? Nothing like – Zero.

Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,

If HE has something against YOU – Jesus is saying that someone in the room needs to be the grown-up. Be the grown up in the room – humble yourself – take the initiative – you might say it is his problem, not yours – take the time to make it right.

Then He gives us more context here:

25 "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 "Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent.

So He gives us a dramatic illustration – debtor’s prison – the Jewish people didn’t have it – it was a Roman practice – they would be thrown in prison until their family would gather to pay the debt. Isn’t that a lousy practice – 95% of Americans would be in prison!

Jesus is saying that if you allow anger and bad relationships to continue, it will turn your life into a prison. Reconcile – get the relationships right. There are huge negatives to not getting it right.

Matthew was written about 65 AD – only 30 years after the death and resurrection of Jesus – and the church is becoming more and more Gentile – and there is a separation between the Jews and Gentiles – problems in the church – so Matthew emphasizes forgiveness in relationships – and it comes up in the Lord’s Prayer:

Forgiveness in Relationships

Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… 14 For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew emphasizes the critical importance of forgiveness.

This verse is not about salvation – but how we experience our relationship with God.

IF you desire close relationships, you will need to be good at forgiving people. You have to be able to forgive to prosper in relationships.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (Pro 17:9 NLT)

Proverbs is amazing – we have all experienced Prov. 17:9 in some way.

If you desire to have close relationships – you will have conflict – you will offend and be offended.

If you read my blog – a few weeks ago I talked about the Enneagram personality test – it was like the original personality test that Jesus took. Just joking – but it does go back to about the 4^th or 5^th century…

Then there was the DISC test – what are you? DISC? I would answer a Libra.

I am either a 2 (helper) or 9 (peacemaker). I am not really a peacemaker – I’m actually a conflict-avoider.

Here is the deal – here is what I am trying to learn: Avoiding conflict does not mean you have good relationships – what matters is how you address conflict, not how you avoid them.

If your gauge is – we don’t have conflicts – you don’t have a gauge.

Another survey I heard about recently: The Barna Group had the purpose and goal of studying the church to help the church meet the needs of our country.

They did a study – trying to find out – if people have a difficult time having conversations with those in a different identity group.

Which groups would be hard for you to have a natural and normal conversation with? Muslims, Mormons, Atheists, Evangelicals, LGBTQ community, etc. – and they also had you identify…

60% of Americans would say they have a difficult time having a normal conversation with someone different from them.

Here is a problem – 81% of Christians – (Not just those who say they are a Christian – but those who say they have a personal relationship with Jesus) – Have difficulty having a normal, natural conversation with those who are different from them. That is incredible.

We have a problem.

Two weeks ago – we were talking about the religious leaders, Pharisees, Scribes, Sadducees, – and how Jesus included many that the religious leaders excluded – and vice-versa –

Matthew 9:9 As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax booth. "Follow me," he said to him. And he got up and followed him. 10 As Jesus was having a meal in Matthew's house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with Jesus and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"

Here is the different identity group for the Pharisees – Tax Collectors and sinners. This is just another aspect of reconciliation. There were those who would say – They are tax collectors and sinners! They are supposed to be excluded! But Jesus didn’t think so. This comes up over and over in the gospels.

By including those sinners who were excluded by the religious leaders, Jesus, the sinless one – declared the boundaries and rules set up by the religious leaders were themselves truly sinful.

By embracing the outcast – Jesus underscored the sinfulness of the persons and systems that cast them out.

Matt 9:12 When Jesus heard this he said, "Those who are healthy don't need a physician, but those who are sick do.

You think you are healthy, but you are not – the sinners know they are sinners!

Jesus isn’t dumb – the smartest person who ever lived – do you ever think of Jesus that way? He was the smartest person who ever lived. Everyone tells you, ‘you are healthy, but you are sick’

13 Go and learn what this saying means: 'I want mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

These religious leaders focused their attention on the letter of the law – the Sabbath, tithing – sacrifices, purity laws – but they missed the heart of the Law – which is to love God and love neighbor.

All the laws (634?) – even the weird ones – the purpose is to teach others to love their neighbor and love God – so any law that you follow – that does not lead you to love God and your neighbor – is of no value – it is worthless.

If you faithfully tithe, but do not demonstrate mercy to those in need, you have missed the heart of the law. Jesus was interested in getting to the heart.