May 27 2018 Wisdom - How to Deal with the Problem of Partiality and Discrimination in Relationships

Pastor Mike Marette:

Lord, thank You for this worship – You are here – help us to be sensitive and open to what You would say to us. Prepare us for what You are about to do. We can’t really be prepared for what You do. You work in our lives – surprise us, Lord.

I want to make two amendments to last week’s sermon. As a result of talking with people after the message – talking about speech and problems with speech in relationships. One real issue we tend to have – we feel a deep need to fill the void of silence! When you are in a group and there is silence, we become like Peter at the Transfiguration – “Peter, not knowing what to say, said…”

The second one – I talked about sarcasm – and I tried to communicate this – when we talk about verses on sarcasm, we don’t want to go too far and restrict any form of loving humor. The sarcasm the Bible speaks about is behavior to manipulate another to get someone to do what you think they should. If you have something to say to someone – do it lovingly and considerately.

You know the difference between sarcasm and loving humor when it happens.

The Problem of Favoritism and Partiality in Relationships – This is an enormous issue we are often unaware of.

This impacts our relationships and families more than we realize. In our society and in families – go back to the earliest families in the Bible – and there are terrible problems with favoritism – Esau and Jacob, Joseph, - we don’t have time to go into that this week.

Proverbs 28:21

To show partiality is not good, Because for a piece of bread a man will transgress. (Pro 28:21 NAU)

It is very simple and clear – it is not good – it is unhealthy to show favoritism. James says it is sin and evil.

I’d like to balance that with this verse:

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Pro 18:24 ESV)

There must be a balance when it comes to favoritism – when it comes to having a few close friends. There is danger in having too many close friends.

If you are close friends with everyone, you are close with no one.

On the flip side of that – even though you can only be really close with a few people, we can treat everyone with the same Christian love – and that is our responsibility. But we cannot give equal time, say, in a church, to 100 people. It is just not humanly possible.

When we have close friends, it is easy to become exclusive in those relationships – and it can make others feel unwanted.

Take small groups for example – they are a very important part of the church – and having a healthy small group system is beneficial to the church – but it is easy for small groups to become cliquey – and we have to become careful to make them no exclusive. The issue is not the structure – but the hearts of people. All of us tend toward some form of favoritism

James 2: My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?

Favoritism – literally - to welcome them by their face – by how they look.

2 For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. 3 If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, "You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor"-- well, 4 doesn't this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?

In James’ world, one of the key issues was wealth and status – actually, it was poverty – and people discriminated against the poor – and he is saying that discrimination is evil – to give preferential treatment. 60% of those in the Roman Empire were desperately poor – just trying to survive – 90% were poor… We are ignorant of how we show favoritism.

James teaches us that there is no place for social distinction of any kind in the church.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28 NAU)

These are the major social distinctions of New Testament times. Jew and Greek are race issues. Slavery and free – Slavery may have been as high as 40-50%. Male and female… There were also Tax Collectors and sinners – Barbarians and Scythians – we don’t really have those – but Paul is saying – the barriers must be torn down in the church in Christ. There must be complete equality in the church, in Christ – in every way. The entire books of Galatians and Ephesians are about that. We think, what is the big deal? But it was enormous – things we can’t imagine.

I heard a Korean-American speak a couple weeks ago. He came from a poor family – but he has 3 doctorates – he was teling a story – They did a survey of the ten most segregated cities in America – they had a scale, I don’t know how it works – but the ten most had a .61 rating out of 1. Then they did the survey with churches – and it was .91 segregated. Now. Today. In this country.

When we think of Jew and Greek in that day – that is what it would have been like.

So what are some of the things today? Some are similar – wealth, status, we think of the word successful – successful people – popular, talented – if a successful person comes in – there will be this natural bent to treat them differently.

If Lebron James came to church, would you act any different? Honest? Of course you would treat him differently. it is just human to go in that direction.

People who seem to have it all together – personality-wise – relational wise. Beautiful people. We tend to gravitate toward those… Socially, emotionally, relationally – so much easier.

Even with little children, it is really hard not to favor ‘the adorable ones’ - it is something one really needs to work on.

Or we discriminate against troubled people – those with emotional issues or struggles. It is more difficult. It can be painful to give ourselves in that situation. We discriminate against non-attractive people.

Sue told the story about a woman who came in with all these tattoos – and she had a nice conversation with her, asking about her tattoos and such – and another guy comes up and speaks badly of the tattooed woman. We see this all the time.

Or we discriminate because of educational levels. We discriminate against people by how they use words.

Alistair Begg has a conference – and John Dixon – who is from Australia – “I come to America, and due to my accent, everyone thinks my IQ is ten points higher. If I go to England, they think my IQ is ten points lower.”

If someone uses words improperly, we will categorize them. For some, using big words puts you at lower status – as a snob.

Race and Ethnicity. This is a real issue. If you were to poll our church – you would say you are not a racist. Most people don’t want race to be an issue of discrimination. Having friends who are black, There are ways we do this without even knowing it.

We planted a church in Cleveland – it is a multi-ethnic church. One of the pastors is black – and Dave and Michael Peters came and spoke about ways we tend to be racist and don’t even know it. Michael shared his story – and we wanted to know – how do we bridge these gaps? There are things we do that are offensive.

A long time ago – before Cindy and I were married – this happened. We have a friend named Janlynn, who is black. She was Cindy’s maid of honor at our wedding – and she will take all the credit for bringing Cindy and I together! We were able to talk honestly about race issues. One day she asked me these words – who of our (minority) group do you think would be a good next-leader? And I said a particular guy…

She responded: You think that because he acts the ‘most white’ of anyone in the group!

What?!

Why? What qualities make him most qualified, she asked. And I responded… and she says,

He is the most like you! That is why you think he would be the next best leader in the group!

And we all think that the people most like us are the next best people!

James 2:6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? 7 Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called? 8 If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law, according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing well. 9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

When we show partiality in discriminating in any way, we are dishonoring people who are created in the image of God and in so doing, we dishonor God.

I know that is heavy – and I am guilty as charged, and I believe you probably are too. That is why it is talked about so much about in the Bible.

Who is my neighbor? Never ask Jesus a question like that – and from that we get the story of the Good Samaritan –

Samaritans could never be my neighbor – and they could never be good!

In our world – think of the people who live near our church – in general – they are probably around the same income level – generally the same ethnicity - generally the same education levels – There are suburbs north of here – we won’t mention any names – but just off 303 and route 8 – there is a different income level. If someone says they are from there, you think they have money.

We have children who live in cities – and we know what is happening – they are fixing up neighborhoods – and transforming them (gentrification) – and those who used to live there no longer live there and they are similar in many ways.

We want to love our neighbors, but we want our neighbors to look like us.

Those neighbors whom we deem to be of lower status – sinners/tax collectors – are the ones Jesus associated with. There is no place for social distinction in the church.

So what do we do? We all make distinctions.

Jesus says – about the religious leaders:

Matthew 23:6 "And they love the place of honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the synagogues, 7 and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called by men, Rabbi. 8 "But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers. 9 "And do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 "And do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. 11 "But the greatest among you shall be your servant.

First thing – we need to, in the church, eliminate all distinctions in our minds.

This doesn’t mean – if someone teaches Sunday School – you can’t call them teacher – or call the pastor ‘pastor’ – or celebrate Father’s Day – what it means is to not seek distinction or honor if you have one of these roles – or that you deserve preferential treatment. The world gives preferential treatment to certain people, but the church should never do that. We are wholly equal in the church.

11 "But the greatest among you shall be your servant.

Another section says, “Slave of all” – Servant of all.

How do you view your own status in the church? Don’t answer out-loud! This is a trick question! Do you think of your status as unimportant or that you are the least in the church? If that is how you feel, the answer is – Good! Good! That does not mean, that others should treat you that way. I am not saying that. It is wrong for any of us to treat anyone as being the least – but what it does mean – each of us should strive to be the least of all – the servant of all – the slave of all – so that anytime we enter the church building or gather together with other Christians – within every situation – we seek to be the least of all – the servant of all – and the servant of all – and that should especially happen if you are in charge of that situation. A lot of it is doing the thing that no one else wants to do. Washing the feet – Who did it because it needed to be done? Jesus. It is okay to say it out loud, this is church – it is always okay to answer “Jesus!” If anyone had the right to think of Himself as higher, it is Him!

Knute Larson at The Chapel used to have special things for pastors in the area – and Knute was known for going around with a water pitcher at lunch and refilling our water.

Luke 14:7 When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: 8 "When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. 9 If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, 'Give this person your seat.' Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. 10 But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, 'Friend, move up to a better place.' Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. 11 For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

For them – where you sit determines your status. For us today, where we sit does not determine our status. If you want to take the lowest seat in our church – come sit up front!

This not about sitting – it is about taking an attitude and posture of being a servant. It should burn in our hearts to always want to be the servant in the room.

Timothy is next in line to be the leader of the church:

1 Timothy 5: 21 I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of His chosen angels, to maintain these principles without bias, doing nothing in a spirit of partiality.

Final, practical point here – we need to identify – who, in our hearts – the persons or category of persons you would tend to view as being of lower status – those you would discriminate against.

One of the men in the men’s time Wednesday talked about knowing ourselves – knowing our hearts – knowing where our problems really lie.

There is value in being able to go there – admitting where we tend to discriminate.

And then – what I encourage you to do – find some people in that category and develop relationships with them – hearing their stories. It can transform you.

Ashland Seminary is about half black – and the classes I took – were 50% African American – and you would hear their stories – and boy, does it open your eyes and your heart and your mind.

Whatever that is for you – it may not be racial at all – it might be something totally different, but I encourage you to examine what that might be and take the steps to hear their stories. Let’s pray.