June 3 2018 How to Counteract the Power of the Chaos in our Culture - Forgiveness

You've probably heard people say - what is this world coming to?

The chaos that has been created by all that is going on in our culture can have a significant negative impact on our lives - in two ways.

First, in relationships, the animosity that happens in society spills over to our relationships.

Romans says do not be conformed to this world - and that is a fair warning.

I also believe it has had an impact on our spiritual and emotional health.

How to counteract the power of the chaos in our culture.

Number 1 key - learning the art of forgiveness

I think that plays an enormous role in having healthy relationships.

You will have many opportunities to practice that art - probably daily.

Whoever covers an offense...

The inability to forgive creates desire to give retribution.

I have a friend from Wycliffe - who told me the culture they are in is completely built on revenge killing.

You see it in the Arab/Israeli conflict - and it is all because of the inability to forgive.

The failure to learn the art of forgiving has led to the inability to have civil discussion and discourse.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. '

Then Jesus gives us a commentary on the words

14 For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Think about that for a second!

Think about that until you are really uncomfortable. Why? Because when Jesus said these words – it made everyone uncomfortable.

Our tendency is to automatically explain that. Jesus said it – because He wanted it to sink in.

But – I do have to explain it. This verse has nothing about going to heaven. When you stand before Jesus, He won’t remember the time you failed to forgive someone.

BUT – it does have EVERYTHING to do with how we experience our relationship with God and with others. It is directly tied. In every way. Completely. Tied to our ability to forgive others.

This is about reconciliation and forgiveness in the kingdom of God – and it is vital in every way, shape, and form.

Forgiveness is hard work. If you have ever forgiven someone, you know it is hard work. And it is a process. It is not one and done kind of thing. You might think you have forgiven someone, and then realize a week later that you have not fully forgiven.

Forgiveness is hard, but not forgiving is harder. The bitterness that comes from not forgiving is “like rottenness to the bones” – it is unhealthy – and scientific studies prove this!

In 2010, Cindy and I gave a series on forgiveness – The art of Forgiveness, by Louis Smedes.

“Forgiving is an event inside a heart that hurts, and it happens only when we don’t want to hurt anymore.”

Forgiving is an opportunity to do something beneficial for ourselves and for others.
- L. B. Smedes

Typical/common offenses and wounds and how to apply these principles to those.

Some of us have experienced catastrophic injury in our lives – and when those things happen – I believe it is necessary to get outside help to walk through forgiveness in those areas.

You can’t just hear some principles in a sermon and deal with major issues. Get someone from outside to walk with you

Forgiveness -

We rediscover the humanity of the person who hurt us.

When someone offends us – injures/hurts us – we take that event and turn it into a story – and that narrative becomes a loop in our mind that keeps running over and over again, and as we tell that story – it grows – and it turns into a nightmare – and the person who did the injury evolves into an evil, sinister monster.

And sometimes – they are monsters – but normally, they are people who are just like you and me – who are failures – sinners who make mistakes – but also people who were created in the image of God.

In forgiving, we go from turning this person into a monster to a person who is created in the image of God who has offended us. Just like we have been offended, so we have done the same thing. And we will continue to do so – because we are human – sinners – failures – who are broken in so many ways – and we don’t want others turning us into monsters. But there are people who are out there doing that to you today! It is happening. Sorry if that bothers you – and it just keeps this animosity going.

When we forgive - We surrender our right to get even.

We give up – cease – stop – wanting to get even – and stop wishing that they have the same amount of pain – it is what we do! We wish – not just our pain upon them – but double our pain upon them. In the forgiving process – we must surrender that.

We act like God. – when we forgive. To be like Jesus is to be a forgiving person.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Eph. 4:32)

How do you want Christ to forgive you? Fully/Wholly/ and completely.

Only the wounded are qualified to forgive.

We think that makes sense- but we can miss this

We cannot pressure someone to forgive another person. The person who has been wounded must choose – but we can be there to help them with the process.

You can make a child say that they are sorry – but you can’t make the child sorry.

Children must internalize the ability to forgive and be sorry.

We cannot forgive for someone else. There is a thin line between having compassion and empathy for someone who has been hurt – and taking on that wound and bitterness for them. We have to be really careful of that. We see someone we love who is injured – and we should bear their burdens, like the Bible says – but it is easy to take on their injury and bitterness and then we become bitter.

When forgiveness is appropriate
We forgive persons for what they do, not for what they are.

All of us fail – sin – forget – because we are human. It goes with the territory. We don’t forgive anyone for being human. We only forgive those sins and failures that are directly against us and hurt us. This goes to the proverbial toothpaste – the one who squeezes from the wrong place – or leaving the cap off – unless – they have determined a way to make that toothpaste get all over you. The old spilled milk. People spill milk.

We forgive people who wound us seriously.

When we forgive for every silly little thing – we cheapen forgiveness.

A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense. (Pro 19:11)

There are offenses that must be overlooked.

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. (1Pe 4:8)

We need to have largeness of spirit – spirits that are hard to offend. If you are easily offended – you have a love problem. There is a lack of love. Love covers a multitude of sins.

“Forgiving is for the wounds that stab at our souls, for wrongs that we cannot put up with, ever, from anyone. When we forgive people for things that do not need forgiving we dilute the power, spoil the beauty, and interrupt the healing of forgiveness. But when we forgive the things that forgiving is for, we copy God’s own art.” – Smede

That is why there is so much power in forgiving someone who has wounded you – for your own life first, but then for the world. The power of the cross is that Jesus did nothing wrong – but shed his blood for all of our sins – and we get to participate in that by being like Jesus – partaking in God’s relationship- when we forgive like Jesus. God has invited us into that relationship – and a key way of experiencing that is by learning to forgive.

Think about how the Trinity came up with this plan – people will sin like crazy and then we will die for them – and then invite them in.

I got several of these from Dave Brunelle:

Forgiveness does not:

Depend on another person saying they are sorry.

It is your thing – and the other person might care less. Even if you tell them that you forgive – but you can still forgive.

Condone or excuse another’s behavior.

That is important. We are not saying what they did didn’t matter – but when we forgive, you have to name what they did wrong in order to forgive it. This was done – and this was wrong.

Mean we forget the wrong done to us.

Forgive and forget? Not really. There are times we forgive and we don’t want to forget, because that person is still harmful and dangerous.

Forgiveness does not Restore the relationship, necessarily. Some relationships should never be restored – it can be dependent on the other person -

Remove another from the consequences of their behavior.

Mean we surrender our right to justice.

In the criminal situation – a person can forgive a person for what they did to your family – but that does not mean they are free

It does – give back control to the offended.

Jesus was talking about relationships in the church – and in this section – talks about excommunication – talk to your brother in private – if he repents – you have won him back – if not take 2-3 others – and if still not – before the church – and treat like a tax-collector.

21 Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

When Peter says seven times – he is thinking he is the most wonderful person who ever lived.

Forgiveness does not keep count or score. Are we keeping score with anyone in our lives?

Love… it keeps no record of wrongs. (1Co 13:5 NIV)

"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 "When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 "But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26 "So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.' 27 "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.