Oct 6 2019 Philippians 4 - How to Have a Servant Attitude in Relationships

Thank You for this time to be in Your presence, to hear Your word, to worship You. Give us hearts focused on You – Thank You for Your love. Take pleasure in us – Love us as we are – see us as Your beloved children – and we are grateful for that!

Philippians 4

4 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

Paul shares nothing but love for those he served.

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.

STOP! Right there! Same mind – where did we hear that? We’ve been talking about it since the beginning of this series – He is telling these women to value others above themselves – Back to Philippians 2 – Nothing from selfishness – same mindset as Jesus!

It is easy for us to trivialize what is being said here – and we can think – they might be arguing about what color to paint the sanctuary – but that is absolutely NOT what is going on! For Paul to publicly name them shows the significance and gravity of the quarrel that is taking place – and it shows the negative influence the argument of these women has on the church.

These women are in strife and competition – over the ministry there – and Paul has given us three GOOD examples (four, counting Jesus) – and now in Chapter 4 he throws out the other side – those who ARE acting selfishly – and this shows how relationships can have a significant impact on the entire church.

We don’t know what they were arguing about – which is a good thing because we can’t trivialize it.

Sources of arguments that lead to the mindset (that we might tend to go) to cause similar problems.

We can think – this person is not doing enough to share the burden – like the 20/80 rule, 20% of the people do 80% of the work! That is a reality in most (volunteer) organizations. It is easy to develop a sense of bitterness toward the person we feel is not doing the share.

Let no root of bitterness to spring up and by it many are defiled! It is not just THAT relationship at stake – but many who are eventually influenced. You probably see this at your work and other places.

I saw a study recently that said that one partner not doing enough share of the chores is becoming one of the main causes of divorce.

Next – for those who are doing things within the church – some have the attitude that they are not doing them RIGHT – which means – the way I believe things should be done!

It is an attitude that lies underneath and has a big impact.

Here is another one: Conflicts over what decisions were made and how they were made! These are hard things – all of us have done this at some point – we have looked at something and developed a negative attitude.

4^th – turf protection – You might be running a ministry – and this is the way it has always been done – but this does not mean that is the way it will always be done. If we all thought that way – where would we be? Living in caves!

Theological pet peeves – if you are convinced of some way to do something and someone disagrees with you – do you fully understand the disagreeing perspective – be done with it! In Acts, Luke says the Bereans were more noble because they examined the word to see if it was true!

Are we convinced of that? Have we taken the time to figure it out? Until then we might need to rest -not get into the argument – because you might be wrong.

2:3 – Maybe the most important for not getting into quarrels – thinking of others as better.

When things come up – a conflict beginning – do not let it linger – try to address it quickly – don’t think you can let it run its course, because it will ruin relationships – that is the course it runs!

Ask questions so that you can seek to understand why they are thinking or doing what they are doing.

Seeking to understand. When we have to express concerns or disagreements – it is important to be able to express our concern – and to be able to express disagreement – it must be done with humility and gentleness. That is the only way to do it.

Humility says – Maybe I am not seeing it correctly, but here is what I am seeing – and gentleness means gentle! It is important to Paul.

As we move forward with Bailey Road Christian Church – there will be times where we say – we have always done it this way – so these instructions will become very relevant – and a significant challenge.

3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Paul is saying that these two women had a vital role in Paul’s gospel partnership – they played a vital role in this team spreading the gospel and building the church – and this is very unusual, for the time that Paul is doing ministry – same for Jesus – it was highly unusual the way that Jesus involved women. Same thing with Paul. We see a level of teamwork in general in the New testament that we don’t experience – but we live in such an individualistic world, it is easier to just do things ourselves and not get others involved. This especially works its way out in doing things for the gospel. We think of teams making decisions and carrying out events – and that is important – but there needs to be more – teaming up together to bring Jesus to the world.

I appreciate – and it is vital that we engage in opportunities for the gospel individually – we’ve heard from Sue, Chris, and Jeff in just the last month – but we also need to learn to work as a team – maybe at your work – team up with another believer to make a difference for Christ. How do we do that?

The churches in Cuyahoga Falls are trying to figure out how to do that. We have done a number of things with many churches getting together – but the real way to do it is Philippians 2:3-11.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

The only way to accomplish Philippians 2:3-11 is to find JOY in the LORD. Be wrapped up in Him. Then he says these words

5 Let your forbearing spirit (gentleness) be evident to all. The Lord is near.

This word – there is not one English word that says it – one word is not enough – forbearing – gentle – yielding – to be easily entreatable – approachable – and tolerant! A mixing of all of those things in a proper way. Make that spirit KNOWN! Are you known for this? Are you gentle, forbearing, yielding, approachable?

If you ask others – am I easily approachable – and they say no – first – learn to share your struggles – That is so important – and it is hard for some of us to really share our struggles

Second – respond humbly and favorably to criticism – not defensively. WOW – that is hard – especially when we are criticized by someone we don’t like being criticized by.

Dave and Patty are great at this – if I say something – that is not quite right – they will call me on it! A few weeks ago when I said something about the second coming – Dave said – You might want to explain that further – it was not clear!

He was right!

Do not condemn or guilt people – especially when they need to be corrected. We think that is part of the correction! Simple test! Are you the Holy Spirit? There is a simple test to find that out – if you look in the mirror and there is a reflection there – you are not the Holy Spirit.

Be gentle in your speech and demeanor. Yielding.

Do you yield? That does not mean get ahead of the other person. Yielding means to yield – and that is a hard thing to do, also.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

With all this yielding – it will be stressful! When you set aside your rights – that causes stress and anxiety in us! I know this is going to happen – so do this –

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

It is beyond comprehension – a peace we cannot have in and of ourselves. It can only come from God. And that peace is available to us – if we follow Jesus’ example. God wants to bring that peace to us.

7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Anxiety has negative impacts on relationships.

Edwin Friedman wrote a book about being a non-anxious presence. He was a family and business system psychology perspective – the Failure of Leadership – he talks about anxiety and how to be a non-anxious presence.

When our kids were growing up – our kids entered Jr. High about the time Internet entered people’s homes. AOL – You’ve got mail – and some still have it! I don’t know how but they do! With the Internet – a few bad things came along – Pornography came through the Internet – and we discovered that one of our kids had stumbled upon it. I was not a non-anxious presence. In my job, I know the damage that can take place – and I lost it! Rather than being a non-anxious presence, my anxiety over what was going on controlled me and it really shut down the conversation down the road. We have all been in a similar situation. We cannot react with our first emotional impulse! That is usually not the best. In normal relationships – when something goes wrong – we need to avoid our first emotional response controlling us. Open conversation – don’t shut it down – we think that ends the problem – it doesn’t solve it – but ends it in our minds.

Third – understand what is your responsibility – the other person’s responsibility – and God’s responsibility – Problems happen whenever we step into one of those other responsibilities.

Things won’t be fixed immediately. If we turn it into spiritual – away from family and business systems – be a person who has found his joy in the Lord and go into relationship without anxiety and stress – because you go into that relationship based on your relationship with God.

Culture and Society – A quote from Wendell Berry – Cindy gave me this – I will relate this to what we have been talking about:

“The big problems we have today will not be solved –(society and culture) will not be solved with big solutions – but by hundreds of people accepting local responsibility for small problems.”

I want to look at this in light of relationships. We can think this way about church and ministry – to solve the problems we are facing – we think it will take big projects – and that is fine – We did that a few years ago – hundreds of people in this neighborhood doing work – but – for the gospel to spread in our communities – it will take people coming together and bringing the gospel to other individuals – and the big problem with that – in order to make this happen – we must all have the Philippians 2 attitude – because it is not possible to have that teamwork mentality without it!

Let’s pray:

Lord, thank You – and we do ask that You would teach us. Relationships can be so easily injured – so quickly hurt and dismantled. We need to pay attention and be aware – help us to do that. Like we have seen in these verses – to do nothing from selfishness, conceit – but to be forbearing with gentleness – yielding – would be known to all.