04.28.2013 Lies we Believe - My Value and Significance are Determined by Others' Opinions of Me

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We’ve been looking at Lies People Believe – this week’s lie is this: My Value and Significance is determined by what people think and say about me.

In our ‘celebrity culture’ – we look for the approval of people.

Normally – I put the ‘practical things’ at the end of the message and first dive into God’s word. I’m going to switch it up this week. Let’s pray.

Lord, help us to know You better. As we look at these lies, I ask that You would reveal where we have believed them. Open our hearts to understand where the need for approval, admiration – the need to be seen – can affect all of us in some way. We live in a culture where this is promoted and it affects us. We want to be transformed to serve You more faithfully – to serve people more faithfully and more effectively. We know that these lies affect our relationships, especially the ones that mean the most to us. They can destroy relationships – so help us to allow You to transform us. Your grace is available in all power that we can be changed – you are about that work of transforming us into Your image.

Lies we believe -

Philippians 2:3 DO nothing from selfishness or empty conceit. The King James has a word for this – and it is kind of a cool word: Vainglory. It is a combination of pride, selfishness and wanting the attention and wanting everything to focus on ME on some level. It is obsessing with performance, achievement, and accomplishment.

Believing that my value is based on what others think about me – brings and addiction to approval, affirmation - admiration,

There is nothing wrong with performance, achievement, and accomplishment to some level – but the difference is this: When those things determine our value and worth, then it is a problem – a problem with empty conceit and vainglory – and this addiction breeds insecurity and stems from insecurity – especially in our relationship with God and with the important people in our lives.

If you are always thinking – what does God think of me? Or what do others say about me? This is an indication that you struggle with this lie.

Everyone has insecurities. I have seen sometimes – those who seem most self-assured are those who have the most insecurities. If you think you are insecure and others have it all together – MAYBE – they have the most insecurities in their lives.

I’d like to describe what this looks like:

People with this issue have a deep need for attention. This comes in two ways – the first is the negative side – any attention is better than no attention. A child who feels ignored or neglected will act out to gain attention. That is the negative side – like the celebrities – any publicity is good publicity.

The second aspect is the desire to be the center of attention – I’ll stick myself in here at times too – the entertainer – or the know-it-all – who knows everything about sports, or politics or religion – how the Browns picked all the wrong players in the draft – or how the referees got it all wrong – the drama king or queen – constantly complaining. This might be subtle – but a person who avoids conflict – another way of seeking attention.

Boasting and bragging – a pre-occupation with your stories – your troubles – your struggles – your opinions.

When someone tells a story – and they caught a fish – did you catch a bigger fish? If you are unable to listen to someone else tell their story and to simply reflect, empathize, understand if needed – without adding your two cents – you have a problem with vainglory – empty conceit. That doesn’t mean we can’t tell our story too – but during the other person’s story – to listen and understand.

Exaggeration: We are inflating whatever we are talking about because we are inflating ourselves – to make ourselves look bigger – we enlarge the truth – enlarge the facts – enlarge reality. If I make it sound big, we think people will admire, approve and affirm me. We have an addiction and need for what others think about us.

Name dropping – or book dropping – I read this or that – whatever it is.

Putting down others – when we lower others, we feel better about ourselves. If we find ourselves continually correcting people – yes, there is a time for that – but we need to look – do you correct for things that are insignificant. If you find yourself correcting things that don’t matter – there is a problem.

Do you find yourself comparing outfits, hair, cars, jobs, houses – it is empty conceit and vainglory. Paul said – when we compare ourselves, we are without understanding – we are not to compare ourselves to one another – none of us meets God’s standards.

Moral Superiority/Religious superiority – one of the most dangerous types of empty conceit – making ourselves morally or religiously superior – Jesus spoke against this the most:

Matt. 6: 1 "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

Be careful – beware – it is a strong warning – be vigilant and in a continual state of readiness – to make sure you are not doing your religion – your acts of righteousness – your acts of morality – in front of people to be noticed.

DANGER! BEWARE of the dog! Beware of the High voltage wire! Yes, BEWARE of doing your acts in public.

Sometimes we change who we really are around certain people because we want them to think better of us. That is the sin of vainglory and empty conceit – and it comes from the lie – I get my value from what others think of me.

We all do this to some degree or another.

The issue here is motive – sometimes we have to do religious activities in front of others – those who lead worship – and those who do sound, and Sunday school teachers – there are times when people see it – the issue is the motive and desire to be noticed – a focus on how do I appear – how do others view me and see me.

The reward is praise from people – admiration from people.

Matt. 6: 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

He gives one solution – secret giving and secret service – doing religious acts in secret – not letting anyone know – serving people and God in secret –

Secret acts of righteousness subvert vainglory and empty conceit in our lives.

The question we need to ask – do you do acts of service/righteousness in secret – unnoticed – especially the lowly jobs of service. Think – what lowly jobs of service – the kind of jobs that are important, but in appearance are menial. Any time you serve God – it is important. But in appearance – there are jobs that seem menial – like taking out the trash – and how many of those things do you do in serving others? That is a good way to deal with vainglory and empty conceit. Find the tough garbage stuff – you will decrease and be transformed in this area!

The Good Samaritan – served a person of no worth – and he serves him secretly – a lowly act of service that goes beyond a little service – takes this person, brings him to an inn, takes care of him – pays for him – a constant mentality – I am in this to serve until it is finished - and not looking for any reward, notice, or admiration.

Matt. 6: 5 "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

Acts of spirituality – there were those who practiced public spirituality – but Jesus says it needs to begin in private – we need to be better in our private world of spirituality. I have two disciplines – solitude and silence – if you learn these – you will not struggle in vainglory and empty conceit. Jesus was often slipping away to be alone with God. It is critical – especially in the area of pride. Silence – to just stop and listen –

A number of weeks ago – 3-4 days a week – personal devotional time – 5-20 minutes – and then morning afternoon evening – taking a couple minutes. How are you doing with that? Jesus is saying –go to your inner room – close the door – and pray to your father – develop a consistent habit of devotion to God – it is what the Christian life is made from – any relationship requires TIME – we know that in family, friendships and relationships – they take TIME – make that effort to have a personal devotional time with God. IF you can do it every day – it is even better.

Matt. 6: 16 "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

This speaks of serving and suffering – when you think you serve and serve – you have lost it – do it in secret –

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit (vainglory) – humility of mind – attitude – understanding – vainglory or empty conceit starts from pride.

This is humility – regard one another as more important than yourself.

It is not being Eeyore – fasting and looking miserable or talking about how lousy you are. It is considering others as more important than yourself. That is hard to do. It is natural for us to be focused on our own needs.

I was reading about marriage – in most cases – I do lots of weddings – two people giving 100% - it takes two to tango – but in a marriage that is struggling – it only takes one person to change it – one person taking this attitude can transform the other. There is power in this.

There may be some who may never be transformed – they don’t want it – but we have so much power in this attitude.

We ask – why would someone do this? Have this attitude which was in Christ Jesus – He was in heaven and gave up the glory to become a man to die for our sins – there is power in developing this attitude toward others.