05.02.2010 Learning to Become Emotionally Healthy

05.02.2010 Grace Summit Message(s) - Learning to Become Emotionally Healthy from Grace Summit on Vimeo.

First of all - our soundboard guy was out of town -- so there is this strange echo throughout the audio - Some of it was so bad that I had to cut it... our apologies.

Mike Marette: We are all dealing with some things in our lives. In a moment, three women will come up to share about things they have dealt with and how they are learning to become emotionally healthy. I stress learning – because it is not something we achieve – but we will learn all our lives.
Cindy, Linda and Sue
Lord, you have a message for each of us. Help these women to share from their hearts about what you have done in their hearts in relation to our hearts.

Cindy: I deal with anxiety – a different type of anxiety than what I am doing right here,… but deep, soul anxiety – fear, insecurity, shame – feeling responsible to fix problems that weren’t fixable and my ability to love and receive love.
Several years ago, my husband helped me to see what was going on - -at the right time – he recognized that I was becoming more and more emotionally disabled. I may have fooled all of you – but I didn’t fool myself or my husband. Let me emphasize how important it is to have someone who can shine light in the darkest corners of your life.
This was the first time I wanted to change – it is hard – and it is a lifelong process to change the effects of 55 years of wrong thinking.
He did this.
One thing he helped me see – just the trigger points of what happened in the past and how it was affecting me. If the kids would forget to call on my birthday – or if a coworker would do something that reminded me of when I was younger – I would respond to the past and not to what was happening in the present. I’ve been in counseling for a year and a half – and it has been a wonderful relationship – she has been tough on me and not let me get away with anything – she saw through the façade and shines that light into the dark corners and knows how to help.
As a result, I am coming to understand how much God loves me – I had a lot of head knowledge – but I didn’t let it affect my heart – God is the parent I never had – and it is wonderful.
So – as a result – I am slowly learning to get control of the negative emotions and not imagining that I have offended everyone. I have a long way to go – I am trying to heal from the bitterness – in summary – our pasts affect our present and future, but they don’t need to dictate them. We can see the past for what it was and to choose to live above it. Even with the best counseling, spouse, studies, and prayer, our pasts will continue to affect us. God chose our families and it is corny, but true: what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. There is a good Christian toughness – and God wants my spirit turned toward Him – the strengths come from Him – Romans 12:2 – our lives can be transformed and renewed – no matter what we have been through – our lives are for a greater purpose.

Sue – an episode that was about 8 years ago – you have heard the saying – when Mama aint happy – aint nobody happy, well, When Mama is depressed… – I could title this – What I learned that changed me from being the wicked witch of Cuyahoga Falls to a mostly functional person.
I had been stuffing down frustrations and anger – mainly because I thought that is what it meant to be a Christian.
Stuffing doesn’t do it – but made me more like a smoldering volcano.
I would see the hurt I was causing and I would go to God – with the attitude – I know you won’t give me what I want.
I learned that God is in control – not me – I tried harder – every night despising myself – I prayed – and I begged God to help me to be kinder to the kids – to smile at them – to find something good to say to them – but I couldn’t fix myself and my family suffered. One day I looked down into my kids' faces and I saw so much hurt and I reached the turning point – and realized that something has got to change. Dick and I went – got together with Mike and Cindy – I needed to know – do I need to try harder – or do I need outside help. They encouraged me to get counseling. God gave me a counselor and it took a lot more effort – but it works. The biggest lesson – as I was telling the counselor the dreariness of my life – I mentioned that Dick did not care about me and the kids. She responded, "I think he cares very large” – that may not sound earthshaking, but it was the truth – and I had stopped believing the truth – and it was like taking off the dark glasses and realizing that the sky is not dreary but blue. I realized that God loves me, my husband loves me – and my kids are wonderful people.
I have learned these three things:
Stay in the ring with God
God is in control
Believe what is true – not what I feel or fear –

Linda – I have lost 2 husbands to cancer.
C.S. Lewis…
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning, I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not me.”
He spoke of God’s character, “Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not 'So there's no God after all,' but 'So this is what God's really like. '”

You can think and feel overwhelming thoughts and emotions and reading CS Lewis helped me to know that what I felt was normal.
My first husband, Terry, died when we were 27 years old. One thing that I got out of that is something Mike mentioned last week: We have to have a Biblical Theology of Suffering.
The church that we went to believed that we should believe God for a healing – there were visions – words of encouragement – and assurances that he would be healed - and he died. The church leaders prayed and tried to call him forth from the grave. They were wonderful people, - they loved God and took care of us - but it was kind of bizarre. God was gracious and I saw Him as my husband and protector after Terry died.
When Dennis and I got married, we tried to understand what the Bible had to say, and Dennis and Mike taught truth about suffering – and when Dennis was diagnosed as terminal – we had a much better footing – asking God – this is what I want – but not my will but Yours. That is how he prayed. He taught about the ‘nasty now and now’ and heard so many sermons about the Fall and expecting trouble and suffering. Though we have trouble, Christ suffered in all the ways we will. I think it is interesting - So many of Dennis’ sermons prepared us for what we had to go through.
Even though I had a better footing – after Dennis died – I was still knocked off balance - the only thing I could pray… - Lord, I don’t like this – for me and my kids – but there was something deep inside that wanted to pray – “Everything is okay, God is in control, everything will be all right” – but I just couldn’t do it.
Eventually, after 4 months – I was still struggling – so I went to my doctor – who is a Christian – he prayed for me that day – and then he prescribed an anti-depressant that I took for a few months and it got me over the hump.
If you feel like you are stuck – get the help you need. See a grief counselor – listen to uplifting music, read books dealing with grief, read the Psalms… I did all of the above – I had some issues trusting the character of God – after all – He allows a lot of bad things. But where could I go? I didn’t have any place to turn except Him.
I wrestled with Him – telling Him exactly what I felt, knowing that eventually I’d get my balance back and would need to soften my heart toward Him. I had put up a wall, but it took time to be willing to let that down. God hasn’t promised a life without suffering – if you do, you’ll be disappointed. Henri Nouwen – The return of the prodigal:
When Jesus speaks about the world, he is very realistic – there is no sign that those things will be absent – but God’s joy can be ours in the midst of it all – the joy of belonging to the household of God …to empower us to be in the world while allowing us to be in the Kingdom of Joy. We have choices to make – to live in the JOY or to be cynical; my tendency would be to be cynical
In summary:
A wise person understand what the Bible says about suffering
It is normal and okay to grieve
He understands our frailties – he understands when we wrestle with our faith – but don’t stay there too long.
It takes work to get through the grieving process.
God is gracious and really will see you through it.
I have a blog – and I posted during the grieving process – lindajanek.blogspot.com – 2005-2006 – what I was going through
A few books –
Karen Lile recommended: Let me Grieve, but not Forever
Turn my Mourning into Dancing: Nouwen
A Grief Observed – CS Lewis –
We are going to have communion now – as we go to have communion – we are broken people – but someone was broken so we could be made whole.

53:1 Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? 2 For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no [stately] form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. 3 He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 4 Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being [fell] upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 6 All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. 7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. 8 By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living, For the transgression of my people to whom the stroke [was due?] 9 His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth. 10 But the Lord was pleased To crush Him, putting [Him] to grief; If He would render Himself [as] a guilt offering, He will see [His] offspring, He will prolong [His] days, And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. 11 As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see [it] and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities. 12 Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors.
Father, we thank You that You were broken that we might be healed. You were wounded that our wounds might be healed. Thank you for healing us and cleansing us from all of our grief, anxiety and shame – we are clean because of You. As we come to the table of communion – we have broken, but thankful hearts – You have given us life and hope.