05.25.2014 Transformed - How to have Healthy Relationships

05.25.2014 Transformed - Healthy Relationships from Grace Summit on Vimeo.

SermonAudio

I’d like to start off with Romans 12:1-2 –
That is what this series is founded on.
I know you are probably wondering – why relationships? I’ll answer with a question – how do you define success? I’ll answer that. Some measure success by how many corvettes they have – or by money or possessions (be it little or a lot).
We’ve all seen movies where a filthy rich person on his deathbed says, I’d give it all to have my family back.
We are here to be in relationship with God and relationship with people. How do you build good relationships? The small groups this week will talk about that.
Lord, thank You for this study, and that You are the Lord over all. Thank You that You are the Lord who reigns over our lives. Speak to us.
Think about The Garden of Eden – if I were to create a garden, it would probably look something like this (shows a picture of his back yard) – complete with lawn decorations nailed to the neighbor’s fence! But God created a beautiful garden – much greater than we can probably imagine. God gave them one commandment – just one – and they still blew it.
It says they were naked and unashamed. We have a dog – when I come to bed – the dog rolls over on her back – and basically exposes herself – totally vulnerable to me – no shame. That is probably what Adam and Eve were like – No shame – but something happened – there was a separation. They were in the garden, no fear of being judged for having love handles… - but then they ate of the fruit and what happened next? OMG! I’M NAKED AND SO ARE YOU!
What happened that caused this separation in the relationship?
Fear of exposure makes us distant. You know the story – the serpent deceived Eve, she ate of the fruit, gave it to Adam – and then went and hid. God is walking – “Where are you guys?” – Adam: I saw that I was naked, so I hid! God knew what happened – Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?
Like in Psych – when Juliette found out that Shawn is not psychic – he had built up lie after lie and it ruined their relationship… Yeah, it’s just like that.
When we do something wrong, our tendency is to run and hide. We do this in most of our relationships. Sometimes we hide in humor, other times it is an air of spirituality, some get quiet, others get noisy – but we all try to hide and cover up. Those lies compound, and the relationship is damaged.
The next thing –
Fear of disapproval makes us defensive.
None of us wants to be disapproved of. When God found Adam, he asked – did you eat what I commanded you not to eat? And Adam replied – “The woman WHO YOU GAVE to be with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate.” – First he blames God and then she blames the serpent. They both hid and lied and became defensive. It is so easy to make excuses for things like that.
This is not part of the teaching – it is extra credit.
The serpent lied – Surely you will not die – he even gets her name wrong – Shirley you will not die – He impugns God’s character – this is good! It makes you smart!
She looked at the tree, saw it was good for food, thought it would make her smart – and she ate. Then she gave it to her husband and he ate. It doesn’t say there was a lot of discussion – she had a lot of influence over her husband. We can have a lot of influence over others to draw them to do wrong. We need to be careful.
When we give into these fears, it brings death. When Adam and Eve saw that they were naked, they hid. God told them – if you eat of it, you will die! But they didn’t die. Was God lying to them? One of the first things I was told when I became a Christian – death is separation from God. The relationship is severed. That is a death – the relationship died.
Gen. 3 – because you disobeyed me, I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
The relationship was changed – damaged – and then God says to Adam –
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

Cursed is the ground because of you;
In [f]toil you will eat of it
All the days of your life.
18 “Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
And you will eat the [g]plants of the field;
19 By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread,
Till you return to the ground,
Because from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.”
The work becomes harder – it is a labor.
Sometimes backstabbing and sarcasm when we get in our defensive mode can damage relationships. What is the antidote? Love. We are done!
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear [e]involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
Love requires three things: There has to be a giver of love, a receiver of love, and to be able to give it to others.
Surrender
Remember
Offer
When we surrender to God, we become more like Him. Job11 - “If you would direct your heart right
And spread out your hand to Him,
14 If iniquity is in your hand, put it far away,
And do not let wickedness dwell in your tents;
15 “Then, indeed, you could lift up your face without moral defect,
And you would be steadfast and not fear.
16 “For you would forget your trouble,
As waters that have passed by, you would remember it.
17 “Your life would be [j]brighter than noonday;
Darkness would be like the morning.
18 “Then you would trust, because there is hope;
And you would look around and rest securely.

Psalm 103:1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
One time Sue was in a bit of a funk – and I said to her – think of three things you are thankful for – she said, No! So I said – I’ll think of three for you – and I did, and she said – I’m not thankful for those things – but here are some things I am thankful for – and her heart and attitude started to changed.
Lamentations 3 - 19 Remember my affliction and my [e]wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20 Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses [f]indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Sin is sin, and Adam and Eve would have eventually – but I wonder – if they had spent more time in the garden enjoying it – instead, they gravitated to the forbidden tree.
God has done a lot of wonderful things in our lives – what do we need to remember? There are some aspects of God’s love – rejection is hard – we work hard to be accepted – and it is important to be at peace with all men – but that doesn’t earn our acceptance – Jesus earned it.
We are unconditionally loved –
1 John4:8 God is love – God = love
Hebrews 13 – God’s love is consistent – the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Ephesians 2:8 – we experience God’s love through His grace and salvation –
Romans 8:38-39
God doesn’t love us IF or BECAUSE we do things – He loves us PERIOD.
Isaiah 54:10 – My love for you will never end, says the Lord.
God has totally forgiven all our sins forever.
Romans 8:1
You’ve been bought by Christ’s death
New commandment – Love each other as I loved you.
Accept one another just as Christ accepted you.
This is how we need to love one another – it is easy to not get along – but when we remember what Jesus did – we can love and accept others.
1 Cor. 13:7 Love never stops being patient, believing hoping – Love never gives up.
Rick Warren paraphrased this – love extends grace, believes the best, endures the worst.
The end of the story with Adam and Eve – cursed them, cursed the ground, and then what did he do? Kicked them out of the garden – then put angels there to guard it. –
Then what did God do? He made animals of skin. He still cared for them. God still gives to us.