08.19.2012 Viewing Conflict as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth and Health

Apologies for the video quality...

Let’s pray – thank You for the work You are doing in Honduras – for the people being cared for and lives being changed for Christ. Help us to have our eyes opened to how You are working, here and around the world. Open our eyes to the opportunities to accomplish that. As we look at Your word, open it up to us – give me grace to share in the power of the Holy Spirit – we need to hear Your voice like a child hears the voice of his or her parents.
Larry Crabb: Conflict is latent in every human relationship at every moment. It simply awaits a trigger to get it going.
And that is a reality because we are humans. Think of the human story – Adam and Eve – what is the first thing that happens after that? Cain kills Abel. It starts with conflict in relationships. The Bible is a story of relational conflict. If you were born into a family – if you once saw a family – you know that conflict is inevitable. Because the church is made up of people (that is the problem, by the way) the church will be a source of conflict! And because the
Crabb: Healthy or spiritual communities understand the reality of conflict. They understand that the presence of conflict does not define an unspiritual or unhealthy community - Just as the absence of conflict is no proof of a healthy community. “The difference between the spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it. When conflict is seen as an opportunity to draw more fully on spiritual resources, we have the makings of spiritual community.”
If we recognize the conflict as an opportunity for relationships to grow, we will be healthy.
Eph. 2: 11 Therefore remember, that formerly you, the Gentiles in the flesh, who are called "Uncircumcision" by the so-called "Circumcision," [which is] performed in the flesh by human hands-- 12 [remember] that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For He Himself is our peace, who made both [groups into] one, and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, 15 by abolishing in His flesh the enmity, [which is] the Law of commandments [contained] in ordinances, that in Himself He might make the two into one new man, [thus] establishing peace, 16 and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross, by it having put to death the enmity. 17 And He came and preached peace to you who were far away, and peace to those who were near; 18 for through Him we both have our access in one Spirit to the Father.
What Paul has done here – he is explaining to the church in Ephesus their condition before Christ – and he is contrasting that with their situation after they came to Christ. Primarily he is speaking of Gentile and Jew, but it can relate to those without Jesus and those with Jesus. – Those who have no hope and are far from God – people who don’t know Christ – that is where they live – if they haven’t come to faith in Christ, they are without hope, without a savior, desperate circumstances outside of a relationship with Christ. There are folks there in Ephesus – who have been without God for centuries – and then he contrasts that with those who have come to Christ – have peace, reconciled, citizens, a part of the family – through Christ, what is happening – those who were far have been brought near – and Jews and Gentiles have been brought together into one family.
In their culture, there was great hostility – a dividing wall – racially and religious and culturally, these walls and fences were never crossed or mixed. And Jesus comes and mixes them all up, tearing down the wall – there is tremendous hostility in all these areas – rich and poor, slave and free – and they don’t know what to do because they have always lived separate lives. And this spills over into the church – this hostility was still going on – and Paul says, you cannot let it spill over into the church.
The reality is, hostility spills over into the church today. The very walls and fences of culture are easily erected in the church.
I will list 3 of these – and will focus on personal conflict and peace and relationships. That is how cultural divides influence the church
1) Racial hostility. We have made a lot of progress – but we are very much a white congregation – and if you talk to others, you will see that racism is still strong in this country – and examine yourself – does it exist in you in any way?
2) Socio-economic barriers – Rich and poor, lower-middle class- walls built – fences erected, and that spills over into the church – consider – are there any ways that you have allowed that barrier or hostility into your life>
3) Political cultural divide – it is just out there – election – and you are sick of it already – six months ago! But it is a significant point of divide within the church. And we need to stop and ask ourselves – how have we built walls?
Eph. 2: He is our peace, the one who made both groups into one and destroyed the middle wall of partition – the hostility.
Christ is the author of peace in relationships – in the church – and with God. There IS peace now – conflict all around – but Christ made it possible, in Him, to have peace in relationships – Gentiles/Jews; Rich/Poor; Racially; nations;
Outside of Him, there is no peace – it cost Jesus a great deal – and was attained on the cross – the wall was broken down on the cross. Having relational peace is a real high priority with God. To bring us into peaceful relationships, it cost Him everything. We need to make it just as high a priority. You need to make resolving peace as high of a priority as you can make it.
Practical – Jesus longs for His church to overcome the cultural barriers of nationalism/racism – to be what He created it to be: culturally diverse displaying the presence of God who is near.
Eph. 2: 9 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household, 20 having been built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner [stone], 21 in whom the whole building, being fitted together is growing into a holy temple in the Lord; 22 in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit.
He calls us many things there – and in them, there is no room for conflict or hostility.
Ephesians 1-3/Theological
Ephesians 4-6/Practical
Ephesians 4 – how to maintain unity in the church.
Ephesians 4:1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, 3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
If you want to live in a way that is pleasing to God, you will make every effort to maintain peace in relationships – you will work hard resolving conflict, not holding anything against anyone. You will attack with all fervor, with all you have.
How to do this? First - negative response to conflict – when peace has been disturbed.
First – the overt response – we allow conflict to produce harmful words and actions.
When a conflict comes up – you say things you shouldn’t say. That is not the way to deal with it. We make accusations and generalizations – we say words like you always or you never – and it takes conflict and turns it into a place of hostility, rather, than an opportunity to demonstrate relational peace.
You build your case and want to win the battle – but you are about to harm the situation and say things you should not.
2 – we bring up the past – past disappointments – wounds, things that should have been forgiven, reconciled and dealt with a long time ago. Bringing up the past will never allow you to come to peace. Once something is dealt with, forgiveness is supposed to have been given and we move on.
3 – outbursts of anger. You might think it helps you win the conflict. Slander/Gossip – never helps conflict – just causes division.
And in some cases, conflict produces fighting – and it is no unusual, but people are abused in conflict and feel trapped – and in those situations – you need to get out.
Those are the overt responses – but there are also the covert responses.
We conceal or hide behind conflict – we hide conflict behind congeniality – we play nice and ignore it – we act all congenial – and that is just as bad as saying things you should not – because it speaks lies in the relationship. We must learn to respond to conflict properly. Playing nice and ignoring it is not healthy.
Positive healthy responses:
Relying on the power of the Holy Spirit. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Where does it come from? From Jesus – it cannot be achieved without the help of the Holy Spirit. We must depend upon spiritual resources to have peace and harmony in our Christian relationships. It is so easy to ignore The Holy Spirit. One counselor has people look at their bellies – to think that He is actually inside of you.
Second – with all humility – we need to respond – recognize our own sinfulness, weakness, and our tendency to create conflict – recognize that we are part of the conflict. We tend to look at what someone else does and we don’t look at ourselves. First deal with the log in your own eye – when you want to resolve conflict – start with your own eye.
And Gentleness – Galatians tells us to restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness – having a gentle approach with patience – bearing with one another in love.
In all relationships – there will be times where we need to carry another person’s failure. You have the responsibility to bear other’s burdens. Carry it for them. If you are not willing to carry their brokenness, you shouldn’t go to them; broken people take time to be unbroken and need someone to carry them.
Crabb: Community needs to be a safe place to fail. Are you a safe person for people to fail in front of? Are you safe? Is that what you express? I am a safe person for you to share your problems with.
Keep short accounts – go quickly – if you are presenting your offering and remember there is a conflict, leave the offering.
Do not involve others in the conflict! Don’t try to get others to build your case. The only time you bring others along is when they are refusing. If they don’t agree, you should get permission to bring someone else in.
Closing – use conflict as an opportunity to create healthy spiritual relationships. If you respond properly – that is what will happen – let’s pray.