2014.11.02 If You Want to be Transformed, Deal with Your Anger

11-02-2014 from Grace Summit on Vimeo.

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I’d like to wrap up this series that has no name – and seems to never end – and next week I will start a 3 week series on 3 John.
A book I have used in this series is Dallas Willard’s The Divine Conspiracy. My advice if you read this book – start in chapter 4. If you read chapters 1-3 first, you won’t finish the book! Read 4 through the end, and then, come back and read chapters 1-3 and they’ll make much more sense!
Anger is a root cause of many issues. There are three sides to look at:
Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.
1) There are some aspects of anger that are natural and good. It says, Be angry and do not sin.
2) Then there is the dark side – to quote a famous movie – and DO NOT SIN. We know it when we feel it. If we are honest – we know when we have gone to the dark side of anger –
3) And then there is the hidden side of anger. This is probably the most destructive – we don’t know it is there.
You may feel like – because you never blow up – that you have conquered the anger issue – but have never looked at this hidden side.
Definition: Anger is a natural emotion and response that we exhibit when our will is obstructed and thwarted.
It is also a natural emotion and response when our good life, our comfort, happiness, and wellbeing are interfered with.
If our will/purpose/intent is good – then anger can be healthy. If what we want to do is a good thing and something blocks it – then our anger can be healthy. I say can be, because we often think our will/purpose/intent is good! You often think – but I am right! That is why I am angry.
My daughter in law Becca sent us a video clip of my grandson Judah – this is the number one use of cell phone – sending pictures and videos of grandchildren to grandparents – they went down to the river and there were ducks there. He goes running toward the ducks – and the ducks go into the river – and he wants to go into the river – and John swoops him up – Judah’s will was thwarted. How does a 14 month old respond? Think about it - He LOVES ducks! He loves to say DUCK! And he goes to the park and there are ducks! So he wants to go and hug and kiss and swim with the ducks! Even if they go into the river! But his will is misguided. We think our will is good but it is misguided.
The classic cut-off occurs while you are driving… - and what do you do? It is only natural to be angry. And in reality – if you think about it – when you took driver’s ed, you were taught that you need to be a good distance past a car before you can cut into that lane? What happens next is what matters – anger is a matter of self-protection. But what happens – self protection gets confused with self-interest. What we call self-protection becomes self-interest.
If someone slaps you on the cheek, what are you supposed to do? Turn the other cheek.
He is not talking about someone burglarizing your house or coming to harm your family – in that case, it is okay to defend your family. But the slap was an insult. If someone is putting you down at work – making you look back – don’t retaliate.
If someone asks you to carry their load a mile – carry it two!
Unhealthy anger is always connected with the desire to harm another person. You want to harm the person you are angry with.
Let’s go back to getting cut off on the highway – you have a normal response of anger – and then you curse, belittle and give a ‘friendly gesture’ at the other person – you are desiring their harm in anger!
Then if you speed up and cut in front of them – you are attempting to harm them!
How do you keep it at healthy anger? Healthy anger is tied to justice and love.
Here is what to do: first – forsake unhealthy anger – the desire to hurt them, retaliate, or cut them off. You say no to it in every way. You will not allow yourself to react in that way. Then you do the loving thing – you realize you have a responsibility to all the other drivers on the road – so pull back.
On the justice sake – if they accidentally – cut in front of you – and that is their only offense – you back off and let it go. But if they are endangering others and cutting off everyone – call the authorities – report the unsafe driving!
We have to be careful with justice. Our view of justice – when it relates to anger – can be flawed. Getting poor service at a restaurant is not a justice issue. If they brought the wrong food or it wasn’t cooked right – those are mistakes and people fail. There are many areas we consider justice issues that are not really. We define justice as the way we think things should work in the world. But our thinking can be flawed.
In the Sermon on the Mount – we talked about all those good characteristics we want in our lives – and we all say, Yes – we want to live like that. Then He mentions the first negative one – anger.
Matthew 5:221 “You have heard that [k]the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be [l]liable to the court.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be [m]guilty before the court;
He goes from anger to lust. Is it possible, if you struggle with lust, that it is a result of struggling with anger and you don’t know it?
and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.
Anger – Murder – same heart emotion.
Then there is this hidden side of anger – that you might not think you struggle with, but do. This is contempt. This is anger, way out here.
Contempt is one of the highest levels of anger – looking down on others – considering someone of no account – taking away their value. This destroys the humanity of the other person.
You can be angry at someone without denying their worth.
A Parent can get angry with his children – without the children losing any of their worth.
With contempt – you deny the person’s worth, which allows you to harm that person.
Hitler’s Germany. There was a Jewish problem. They were not ‘the Jewish people’ – they were a problem and he sought a solution – and in doing that, he was able to lead a nation – because of contempt for the people – into atrocities.
Terrorists. They call people infidels – denying the humanity of others and it allows them to commit atrocities.
The early settlers called the indigenous peoples ‘Savages’ – and see where that went.
African Americans were called subhuman and it allowed slavery.
How do we keep from doing this to any group of people? How do we show contempt? When we consider an opinion of no value or importance. Like the person at work whose opinion you disregard – that is contempt. When we disregard people’s views and judge their convictions. When we fail to take into account someone’s values. When we micromanage responsibilities – that is contempt.
Romans 14 1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2 One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the [a]servant of another? To his own [b]master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
There is contempt in the church. We see it all the time – there are so many ways we see this happen.
The eating of food for them was a significant thing – when it came to the practical living of the Christian life. It was not a side-note. This determined whether people were faithful to God. You had people on both sides of this issue – whatever the big issue in the church is today – place that there. There are so many issues where we hold a view of how it is to be done as a church. Today we have blogs of both views and often they hold the other view in contempt.
There are many ways this happens – political involvement – school (public/private/home) – the age of the earth – certain sins being bigger than other sins – economic status – race – huge issue in the church.
Go back to the cut-off – and you are driving your paid-off beater – and the red Mercedes cuts you off – you think – you rich such and such!
Contempt comes from pride, arrogance, and an attitude of superiority.
1 Corinthians 4:7 For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?
This is contempt.
Look at the contempt that goes on in the political races. It is awful and evil. It is possible to disagree and have different convictions and not have contempt – but it doesn’t happen in this country.
Cindy was pointing out a website that had something bad to say about every Christian – except themselves!
Then another Christian I respect – made his point well – and then – and I know he is not like this – he closed with a word that did not need to be said about the other side – a word of contempt – short sentence – and it is like, a dead fly makes the perfumers’ oil stink. A great explanation is ruined.
Luke 18:9
9 And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’
Whom do we disregard? Whom do we despise?
13 But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Understand our true position before God – we are sinners who need mercy. That is our true position – our true condition –and then receive and celebrate the mercy that is given to us. If we see ourselves as sinners but never receive and celebrate it, we will never get to the point of giving mercy to others. We must believe that God accepts the other person.
Romans 14: 3 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the [a]servant of another? To his own [b]master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
God makes the person you despise and disregard to stand. God accepts them.
Matthew 5: 23 Therefore if you are presenting your [s]offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your [t]offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your [u]offering.
To deal with contempt, we must give priority to right relationships.
The most important spiritual thing to do was to take the offering to the altar – and we must put right relationships above the most important spiritual thing we do – above witnessing, a quiet time – and prayer.
You cannot have contempt for the things you love.
Thinking people’s opinions and view and contributions are of little value means that you are lacking the quality of love. That is where your weakness lies. That is why Jesus explains what love means and it goes so much farther than we could imagine.

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