5.18.2014 Transformed - How to be Emotionally Healthy

May 18, 2014 How to be Emotionally Healthy from Grace Summit on Vimeo.

May 18 Worship from Grace Summit on Vimeo.

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Back in 2010, we did a series on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – here is a link to the beginning of the series: http://www.gracesummit.org/Messages/entry/04112010/

Lord, we thank You for the opportunity to be with You and to be together as Your children, body, community of faith – Your church – the expression of Your church to this world. We are Your ambassadors – what people see – they can’t see You – they see us, so we should act and live like You would want us to – to represent You. Thank You that You are in our presence – You love us and we can’t understand how deep it is – but we can live out of Your love, knowing that what You have is good – is best – we can rely on You – You care about us. Open Your word as we talk about emotionally healthy spirituality.

In our culture – there are two extremes – the first is this – those who repress/bury/cover/hide/ignore emotions – and we call these people – MEN!

You may not have watched the draft – but this giant lineman was picked second in the first round - he can bench 250 pounds 40 times – and after he was picked second - he just bawled and held his little mommy… - So that is not really true.

For many, it is the inability to express and understand emotions – and it began a journey and transformation process in me that is ongoing.

There are things in our personality that cause this. One is – we fail to understand emotions.

Also, we are afraid of them. We think if we allow them to well up, they will be painful.

From an early age, we are told - big boys don’t… cry –and in the church, we are told a similar thing – we hear REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS and again I say REJOICE! And we think that we need to repress our negative emotions – and that is not true.

And then there are emotional geysers – emotions erupt and come pouring out over everyone. And for these, emotions can control their lives – and these people are referred to as: WOMEN! Whoa – that didn’t get the laugh that the men line did – is it too close to home? We know that is a general stereotype that is not true. But I have found that God, in His infinite sense of humor – often puts together in marriage a gusher and a stuffer.

Biblically:

Emotions are a good thing – part of being created in the image of God. We have emotions because God has emotions! The Bible is filled with emotional descriptions of God.

Gen. 6:6 – The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.

Deeply troubled – you can just feel the emotion.

So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart. (Gen 6:6 NLT).

There are all these emotional words to describe God. Anger! Jealousy! Love! When Jesus purged the temple, it was not in a sensitive, polite way (okay, I’ll turn over these tables because what you are doing is not good. I’ll pull out this whip and drive you away…)

Jesus wept. Man of Sorrows. And we are created in His image.

Second - When we are not yielded to God, our emotions can be destructive. This is especially true when they are expressed in close relationships.

When we fail to allow our good emotions to be controlled by the Spirit, they become destructive. We have all seen that.

There is not a marriage that cannot say that emotions or emotionlessness have not been destructive in some way.

This does not mean that we suppress them. We need to yield them to God:

Prov. 25:28 – Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.

You are totally susceptible – do you have control? We must take spiritual control of our emotions.

Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry (! – emotion!) and do not sin (control!).

The goal is to be transformed into the image of Christ – it is not about eating and exercise – but becoming like Jesus. Ask – how would Jesus express emotions in the circumstances we are in? Jesus constantly expressed emotions – what does that look like in us.

Prov. 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

It is so important to learn to do this.

Feelings can be unreliable:

Prov. 14:12 – There is a way that seems right to a person, but its end is the way to death.

Gut reactions may work on the football field and sometimes in business, but rarely in relationships.

Don’t believe everything you think!

This week: Don’t accept everything you feel! Don’t act on everything you feel. Your feelings may be wrong. The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked!

Remember the IQ/EQ thing? (Emotional Quotient) The ability to delay gratification has more to do with success than just about anything!

We need to learn, by the spirit of God, to control our emotional impulses.

There are whole sections of our economy based on impulse buying – I confess, I felt compelled to go out and get identity theft protection!

Psalm 42:5 – Why are you depressed, O my soul? Why are you upset? Wait for God! For I will again give thanks to my God for his saving intervention.

This guy is talking to his soul – Soul! You are depressed – why is that?! We need to give words to our emotions!

Cindy and I went to counseling and the counselor gave me a list of ‘emotion words’ - Anger is an emotion – but under anger are about 30 other words that narrow it down…

Until I would go deeper – so I could name and identify what it was – well, it was hard to do. If you are a stuffer like me – it is torment and torture.

Really, to do this – we need to learn an ancient spiritual practice called Examen – but I just call it examination – to take some time – I won’t go into it – time of quiet – what is going on in me? What is really going on? Being a bit introspective is healthy. It is good to be a little introvert. I’m a little introvert. I’m really introverted, but I’m little.

Take 5 minutes – examine it.

Then figure out what triggered it. We all have patterns. Certain things trigger emotions.

Have you seen the Applebee's commercial? It has their summer special entrées – supposed to bring you into your vacation place – while the guy eats the entrée – he is on a speedboat being transported to the island – all because he took a bite of Applebee’s!

We can all smell something that reminds us of something our mom used to cook – and we are transported to a land of wonder and bliss.

But it also happens on the negative side. There are triggers that transport us to bad places in our souls, and we need to learn to identify those triggers. The kids do something – spill milk, hit the sister, or the husband or wife says something – and you blow up!

What is the trigger? It is not the spilled milk. Something has happened along the way.

We need to learn to identify.

The car breaks down – and you become anxious – where will the money come from – and THEN the kid spills the milk and you blow up. It was not the spilled milk.

Once you identify the trigger, you need to identify the root cause. Most of us stay at the surface - It is not the car breaking down. It is not the cost of it. There is some root cause of fear or anxiety or abandonment or something that has happened in your life that causes you to react that way to those situations. We always look for the surface cause – like a slow moving vehicle. Let me give you an example:

Someone you trust disappoints you – they do something – they let you down. Now, maybe they don’t fulfill your expectations or a promise – and whether it is real or perceived – well, our perception is our reality. Kids perceive things by the event that may not be true, but it is their reality. And in it, you find emotional turmoil – it colors your perspective on that person. And the issue is not that person letting you down – there is some other root cause that causes you to respond this way – a wound or injury that may have taken place in your childhood. This is typical of children of divorce – there is an abandonment issue – and when someone lets us down – all of that builds up and comes out.

We have to go to some hard places.

Identify the emotion, the trigger, the cause – now confront the emotion.

Psalm 39 – Test me and know my heart…

Is my emotion healthy or unhealthy? Helping or hurting? Productive or destructive? What is the truth about the circumstance or event that brought this on?

Does my husband REALLY have it in for me because he left his socks out? What is real and what is perceived? What is at the core? Does it stem from another event?

After we challenge the emotion – we need to change or channel the emotion. Some emotions just need to be changed – bitterness/arrogance/hatred – nothing positive comes out of those. Ask, what kind of emotion would Jesus express here?

There are other emotions that could be good or bad – channel or direct those. If you are a victim of unfairness/prejudice/etc – you rightly get angry! Be angry and do not sin! So we need to channel or direct that emotion like Jesus would – seek proper justice – work toward justice for others – stand up for the outcast – those who have suffered injustice.

Take your good and right emotion and use it properly. We don’t take revenge = we don’t get even.

Psalm 51:17 – the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, o God, You will not despise.

The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed – psalm 34:18

Sin has distorted our emotion. God draws near to that. He draws near for the purpose of mending, healing, shaping our emotions – and what we need to learn to do – engage God with the full weight of our emotions.

For us to be emotionally transformed – we must learn to engage God with the full weight of what we are feeling. Jesus in the garden – the greatest display of emotion —He sweated blood because He was under such distress – and He gave the entire weight to the father – and then yielded the emotion – not my will, but Yours.

God can handle it all – your jealousy, bitterness, arrogance – poured out to Him – let’s pray.